What I learned from my "big" breakup (part one)...

So, I bought this rad makeup bag from Sephora on Sunday in Waikiki. "Losing you hurt, but losing my makeup bag would be a tragedy...." It is snarky AF, and undeniably chic-- but it actually prompted me to reflect on a breakup that I had within the last year that was kind of a milestone for me. I think everyone has a breakup that they consider the "big" one. The one that caught you off guard, threw you off balance, made you question yourself, took you to sad, lonely places. It's been long enough now that I am ready to write about it, and share what I learned from it. My intent is to help give some sunshine to those that may be going through something similar. Let's go with a list format, yeah? Everyone loves the list format.

1) DO YOU.

The whole cliche, "you can't make others happy until you are happy yourself..." - UMMM SO TRUE. I was so concerned with the day to day and maintaining the relationship that I completely forgot to spend time on myself. To work out. To plan for my future. To read. To create. To pamper. I lost touch with myself and didn't give myself time for Loryn. Quality "me" time. I realize now that I should've taken better care of myself rather than trying to pour energy into a relationship. Since then, I joined a gym. I took yoga classes. I picked up a book. I studied mindfulness and meditation. My happiness and "me time" is essential to my life now. And I'm happy about that.

2) IT TAKES TWO.

After lots of study into relationship dynamics and psychological / sociological theories, I realize that every relationship, whether it be with family, friends, or lovers, has conflict. You will have fights. You will disagree. This is NORMAL. The difference between relationships that work and those that don't is simple: the successful relationships CHOOSE to work it out-- both parties. If only one person is determined to problem solve and work through problems, it won't work. Both people need to WANT to work it out and actually dedicate their time and efforts to do so. Be with someone who absolutely adores you. Someone that sees your flaws and loves you nonetheless.

3) BREAK UPS ARE LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES.

At first, my big breakup was almost unbearable. I missed him ALL. THE. TIME. It was painful, like physically. Now, I see that I had to go through the process to be a better version of myself. Loryn 2.0, 4.0-- whatever version is super rad. I learned the areas in my life that I needed to work on and improve, and I took steps to be a better me. The breakup was a blessing in disguise. It forced a self-reflection process that I hadn't been through before, and I am thankful. Deep thoughts, for real. On a lighter note- I also can appreciate my ex's small contributions to my life. Thanks to him, my interior design game is on point, and I have a profound love for Eames chairs. Go figure. Life is weird. And I freaking love those chairs.

4) FEEL THE FEELS.

Right after my breakup, I tried to stay so busy that I didn't have time to "feel the feels." Guess what? Sometimes, you gonna have to be sad. That is LIFE. Embrace the sad. Watch a sad movie. Cry your heart out. Be mindful. You are sad, and that's okay. Without the sad moments in life, the happy moments wouldn't be so wonderful. Another cliche, perhaps, but oh so true. There is no way around the sad. It's human, and strangely beautiful. Be sad, and eventually you will wake up and be like "holy crap, I'm happy!" YAYYY!!!

5) MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIPS.

I have had a tendency to really get into relationships when I am in love. I dedicate all my time to them, I adjust my schedule, I scale back on my business networking events and social engagements. I neglect friendships- to be perfectly honest. In my time reflecting, I am able to see that I need to maintain my support group. My lovely friends deserve time and make me happy. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you shouldn't do your girl's / boys' nights, brunches with friends, pau hanas, etc. If you lose touch with friends and your relationship with a significant other fails-- you are left feeling lonely and with less of a support system. Love your friends and they will be there for you when you need them.

So that's that. Imma leave it at those 5 kernels of "wisdom" for now. Percolating on the "part deux."

And yes, losing him hurt at the time, but losing my makeup bag right now would be WAYYYY more of a major tragedy. Jus' sayin.